Tenacious Aussie Flies
zzzzzzZZZZZZzzzz... *silence*... zzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzz....
That's the only sound that will keep me awake at night... either that or some crazy guy banging on my bedroom door trying to come in and kill me. That'd probably keep me up at night as well.
But the faintest, high-pitched buzz sound that comes from blood-sucking mosquitoes while I lay in complete darkness is a heart dropper for me.
Maybe it's the thought of getting malaria. Or maybe I'm just uncomfortable thinking about some bug digging into my skin and stealing my precious blood.
But I think more than anything, I just hate having a bug being all up in my personal space.
The flies in Kentucky seem to understand American's personal space complex. If a fly gets up in your face, you just wave your hand around and they're like, "Oh, yeah. Right - I get it. You want me to leave," and they go find some poop to lick.
But in Australia, the flies are tenacious little jerks.
A wave of the hand to an Australian fly is like a friendly "Howdy!" and they get all up in your face trying to get friendly.
"Dude! Get up off me!" you say, but the smell on your breath of whatever you had to eat for lunch is like saying, "Come in my mouth and taste around with your puke face."
So they try.
I got caught in the bathroom with this massive fly that was not only all up in my face, but really super-loud. Annoyed, I swatted at it with my shirt. It giggled like a little school girl and thought I was flirting with it.
I stared getting angry and swatted at it like it was poisonous.
Finally - SMACK! I addled it (that one's for you Memaw).
It fell to the ground, alive but totally confused. "I thought you were flirting!" That was my opportunity to overcome my opponent. With a tissue in hand, and crushed the fly with the unforgiving force of my karate pinch grip.
There was a satisfying crunch.
I couldn't help but take a quick peak at the carnage before I sent the mangled fly down the toilet.
As I unfolded the tissue, I saw heaps of maggots squirming around. I killed a mommy fly.
And it's times like these that I think of the famous Kermit the Frog quote, "Time's fun when your having flies."